I get it. You want things. You want success, money, adventures, and you want people to respond to you in a certain way, etc. And you may have some of it, but you don’t have what you want REALLY!
What is going on? How do you get it?
Consider the notion of wanting to be ‘successful’. How often have you said you want this and experience you don’t have it. I hear this a lot. I have said it myself. And I and the people who say it, maybe even you, mean it, sincerely. However, upon inspection, what I and others discover is that we have unseen commitments that displace this sincere statement. What you cannot see, you cannot do anything about. If you want to be very successful or anything else you say that you want to accomplish and are not accomplishing you must reveal to yourself what is in the way of you achieving it. You must double-click (double-click is a term that is used in C-IQ to mean open it up and examine it) on what you mean when you say successful, for example. What does that look like, in reality? It is a notion that is undefined and when something is undefined, you have little chance of achieving it.
First, write out what successful means. What are the actual parameters that would measure this? Then, you need to see a path to accomplishment. You need to plan. Take that plan and put it in place and create some existence system around it. Existence systems can be scheduling time in your calendar to execute as well as sharing it with others, creating a support structure, working with a coach, creating a visual display including pictures, etc. Whatever will keep it in existence for you so that you can execute the actions to fulfill what you want. If you do that, you have a real shot at it.
The other, often hidden, aspect of getting what you want is training people to support you in fulfilling what you want. This can get a bit more complicated, so let me explain.
We are training people all the time in how to interact with us, in how to treat us, in how to support us, in how to let us off the hook. Think about it. When you don’t like the way things are going and they involve another person, you have either directly or indirectly trained them to interact with you the way that they are. You either kept your mouth shut and suppressed your opinion which left them with the experience and decision that you were ok with whatever they did or did not do OR you said something but were not fully open and forthright about your feelings. Both situations result in the same outcome. This is true in things like being successful, or at work and in our personal relationships. So, if something is not going the way you want to, look at how you have trained other people to interact or not interact with you. One example of this is when you train other people to NOT hold you accountable for what you say. You get testy when they remind you and say something or you make excuses and they let you get away with it. Or in personal relationships, you want them to do something, but you are always doing it so they don’t have an opportunity to do it, but you get resentful that they aren’t doing it without you nagging.
Sound familiar? The good news is you can break these patterns.
Take these steps
- Get really honest with yourself.
- Write down what you say you are committed to.
- Write out what that would look like in reality. (Double click on what you want)
- Write down what you do that is consistent with that commitment.
- Write down what you do that is not consistent with that commitment.
- Write down the actions you need to take to get what you want.
- Put the actions in existence
- Create a structure, including others to support you to fulfill on what you created
- Look for any times that you have trained other people to not be great support structures to fulfill on what you are committed to. Own that and retrain them to hold you accountable and be your partner in fulfilling what you want.
You can have what you want, really. You must do the work to create what will work for you to fulfill on what you are committed to.